Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
