I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
