ya dads aren't the best wingmen
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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