He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
