the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
