Hippo gnu deer
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
