i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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