you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize
