i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
