gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
