when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
