Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
