woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
