so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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