i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
