we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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