I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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