I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
