We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
