just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
