Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
