Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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