White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
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