So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
