You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
You don't make any sense
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