Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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