Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
