great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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