just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I licked your asshole in confidence.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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