It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
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