Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
you inspire me to be a worse person
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Randomize
