how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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