im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
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