and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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