Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
