508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
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I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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