Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
