Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Randomize
