Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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