singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Randomize
