maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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