I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Randomize
