I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Randomize
