I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
