Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
