Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
