dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
