he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
