Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
