my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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