My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
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we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
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I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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