i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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