I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
