I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
