I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
