I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
