The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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