5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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