I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
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