I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
