I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
