1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
