Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
