the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Randomize
