We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
