:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Randomize
