This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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