I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
She made me pour olive oil on her.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
