I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
