Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
