Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.