but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
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Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
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Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.