moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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