my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
19 People Did The Wildest Things When They Were Black-Out Drunk
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
21 Signs That A Dude is Probably Insane
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods