we have officially lost it.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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