Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
