If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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