the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
