You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Just took my morning after pill in the library
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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